Another moment of inspiring realization. During a short time of conversational prayer tonight I realized that I'm no closer to God, no more intimate with God, no more pleasing to God, with me feeling better. With me experiencing my gifts and operating in them, I'm no closer to God than I was in my time of dispair and confusion with what's going on. It's an astonishing and suprising idea to me, but strikes me as profoundly true: that though I feel better and more actuated in my operating from a designed place of living with God, I'm no more closer or pleasing to God than I was when I felt confused and uncomfortable with where I was. This is simple, yet profound. I wish I could unpack it more, but there it is.
We're no more closer and pleasing to our Father when we're convinced of it, than when we're scared and unsure of it. That's amazing.
May You continue to teach me and hold me.
(Post addition: So what's it worth to be aware of God's nearness? Is there, therefore, any nearness to or farness from God? I do think so, but not in the same way I previously imagined. The nearness of God I pursue is 1) that I am aware of God's nearness for my pleasure and comfort, and 2) that I am open and honest with God in a way that He takes pleasure in: as I take pleasure in the nearness of my son as he snuggles in my lap.)
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